Thursday, 4 December 2008

The Ghost of Christmas Presents.

Ho ho ho. Office Parties. Eggnog. Tinsel. Surprisingly yours truly is a massive fan of the old, y'know... The question of what to wear over the festive season hangs heavy, however, and I have a few (pointless) pointers.

God this is right on so many levels I can't even begin to describe. Ralph Lauren may be able to charge whatever he wants for this but I just know there's a million of these knocking about charity shops all over the nation. Once you find one, wear it wear it wear it.
In other news it may or may not be cool to dress like a sort of gay Napoleon Dynamite ski instructor, I haven't quite worked it out yet.

Props to anyone following Brandon Flowers into the world of male feather boas though. Human is possibly the greatest song ever (

As for women. We're all stupid. Satin party dresses? Okay why don't you just photocopy your arse while you're at it? And don't even start on "sexy elves" or whatever other costumes you can think of. You disgust me.
Metallics are obviously in. And so is lace, but when did black lace ever go out? For once in their life Topshop have the right idea. Although I'm not so sure about the terrible "punk" stuff they're peddling (Sid and Nancy t-shirt? EUGH).

This would be a great look, if only metallic leggings didn't make practically everyone's legs look like a two pack of hipster sausage (yeah I coined that one myself). Obviously my newfound love of American Apparel is showing through (more on that in a moment)

Anyway, two final thoughts before I head to post-script: Remember the birth of baby Jesus? Yeah that whole thing. Well someone told me that oversized crucifixes are in. Fancy dress is your best bet, look for the monk costumes (surprisingly popular). Paint it white though or silver, whatever. I have faith in you.
And so I leave you with the immortal words of Uffie on that Justice record (see where I was coming with the whole cross thing?) "turning on from the carats all round my neck...rocking hi-tops, saying no to stilettos". Go for it.

Post Script, by way of apology to my biggest (and only?)fan-
You were right, AA is awesome and I suck and judge everything without knowing anything about it. Although in my defense it looks miles better in the shop than it does online (that might be down to the shop assistants gods I'd so go

PPS- That Uffie reference was so gay. I admit it.

PPPS- If in doubt...cobrasnake.

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