Sunday, 21 December 2008

Hipster Hip Hooray.

Omg. It's nearly NYE. Which, as you should know, means I actually kept my resolution and kept a pretentious fashion blog for an entire year.
It also means the biggest fucking party night of the year. And also the one time of I'm not going to tell you what to wear. You might want to cast your mind back to this. and what will become known as earsgate (you'll see in a minute, calm down).
As a fresh faced virginal blogger, straight out of blog school I had no idea at the offence two lines of prose could cause as I shall disclose (in a nicely edited format) here

"Jealousy will get you nowhere, that transsexual look that you've got going on is 80's and it disgusts me very much to see your awful photos on here and I very much doubt you'd ever be able to have photos taken of you like they are of me. If you're going to write something about me on the Internet don't subsequently deny it when confronted, you've been caught, and what makes it even more pathetic is the fact that YOU don't even KNOW me. Congratulations, you've seen me out having a drink, having fun with my friends, and probably getting a hell of a lot more attention than you ever would - I'm sure we both know who is the better looking one.[this is my personal favourite]pretentiousness never goes far when someone is jaw-droppingly unattractive.

I have to admit I did shit myself a little bit after this, but come on everyone knows bunny ears are a massive cliché, even Mean Girls knew that. And she was 24 for God's sake, why pick on me?!

Not one to let such interferences hinder my wonderful writing I soldiered on and seem to have attracted slightly less controversy in subsequent posts (for shame!). nontheless I have had a joyous year of pointless rants and loyal fanbases (Hi Kris).
Anyway, thanks for reading (and I know you do, post count is of the record...slightly) and remember, if in doubt, gold leggings make me a bit hard, metaphorically speaking of course. And fyi, I'm wearing a feather boa. Don't you dare copy me.
Ne'er ye worry, I shall be back before very long with more nonsensical ramblings for your delectation. I'll leave you with this. Moustaches are massive for next year, trust me.

Peace out, and as my mother would say, don't drink too much or get in a taxi with a strange man. Or, follow my advice and do both of the above. Hey, I'm still alive aren't I?

PS- K******* H**t, I know you had something to do with showing this girl my blog. Sometimes I wish I'd never told Emma to go out with you.

PPS- I'm joking. Don't hate. Appreciate.

PPPS- Congratulations on your one year anniversary.

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Hello winter

Bloody cold innit? Here are my [probably contradictory] must have items for the cold snap we call "winter".

Unfortunately I can't find a photo of anyone under 50 modelling this stylin' beast. Barbour is well in. Mirren Prefers the Beaufort (below) but I've seen the lead singer of the Metros in a Liddesdale so that's that.

I thought it pretty unlikely that I'd ever cite anything with Mike Myers in as a style reference, but my ironic metal thing led me to ripped stonewashed jeans.

Holes in the knees are obligatory. You know from all the powerslides you've done. And anyway, we all know Garth was the inspiration behind Dev Hynes' oft imitated look...

Sorta...Black Chuck Taylors' are of course oblig. Although not brand new ones, you douche.

On the female front, dresses are on the way out (for now) and separates are in. I suggest you all run out and get yourself a black pencil skirt and rock the Alice Glass look...

Works for me. In more ways than one.

Holla back anyway, I feel like you're not appreeshing my work! Also I should mention that wearing lots of necklaces is cool, especially with an open shirt (men) or one of those vest dresses (girls, obv)

Peace out.

Thursday, 4 December 2008

The Ghost of Christmas Presents.

Ho ho ho. Office Parties. Eggnog. Tinsel. Surprisingly yours truly is a massive fan of the old, y'know... The question of what to wear over the festive season hangs heavy, however, and I have a few (pointless) pointers.

God this is right on so many levels I can't even begin to describe. Ralph Lauren may be able to charge whatever he wants for this but I just know there's a million of these knocking about charity shops all over the nation. Once you find one, wear it wear it wear it.
In other news it may or may not be cool to dress like a sort of gay Napoleon Dynamite ski instructor, I haven't quite worked it out yet.

Props to anyone following Brandon Flowers into the world of male feather boas though. Human is possibly the greatest song ever (

As for women. We're all stupid. Satin party dresses? Okay why don't you just photocopy your arse while you're at it? And don't even start on "sexy elves" or whatever other costumes you can think of. You disgust me.
Metallics are obviously in. And so is lace, but when did black lace ever go out? For once in their life Topshop have the right idea. Although I'm not so sure about the terrible "punk" stuff they're peddling (Sid and Nancy t-shirt? EUGH).

This would be a great look, if only metallic leggings didn't make practically everyone's legs look like a two pack of hipster sausage (yeah I coined that one myself). Obviously my newfound love of American Apparel is showing through (more on that in a moment)

Anyway, two final thoughts before I head to post-script: Remember the birth of baby Jesus? Yeah that whole thing. Well someone told me that oversized crucifixes are in. Fancy dress is your best bet, look for the monk costumes (surprisingly popular). Paint it white though or silver, whatever. I have faith in you.
And so I leave you with the immortal words of Uffie on that Justice record (see where I was coming with the whole cross thing?) "turning on from the carats all round my neck...rocking hi-tops, saying no to stilettos". Go for it.

Post Script, by way of apology to my biggest (and only?)fan-
You were right, AA is awesome and I suck and judge everything without knowing anything about it. Although in my defense it looks miles better in the shop than it does online (that might be down to the shop assistants gods I'd so go

PPS- That Uffie reference was so gay. I admit it.

PPPS- If in doubt...cobrasnake.