Friday, 25 July 2008

Goodbye, irony

Yes, it's official, irony. Blame nu-rave, or whatever. From now on (because I say) it's about to get very serious.

Here is my list of everything you should be thinking about wearing come september (fuck summer):
Summer dresses with thick tights and cardigans, "sensible" shoes, pointed toe heels, baggy cardigans, navy, oversized "serious band" t-shirts (in white), pencil skirts, blazers (yes, still, it's back to schol for crying out loud!).

And we should all be carrying notebooks and leather satchels and pretending our surname is Poulian. Twee is totally acceptable, just be serious about it.

So I guess this is it

I haven't worked out what we're supposed to wear for going out though. Or what boys are supposed to wear, although I'm thinking silver shirts might be really rad.

See you hopefully next week, loyal fans (and I know you are loyal because you are still reading this after my month's abscence..)

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Trail blazing

Its been a month. And what a month. Jesus. A whole month of daytime TV and gaining weight, but enough about me, back to the fashion then.

I've known since, like, forever that blazers are cool. When they introduced them for school uniform I knew I wanted one. Maybe it was the Jarvis Cocker effect. This season, and next probably, they're looking to be as big as the Libertines made military jackets.

Mmm, look at those, they set my pulse rate racing! This fitted style is going to be the more acceptable style of blazer, probably already all over the hight street. Stripy is probably the best choice. Bonus cool points for a yellow and navy combo (SO on trend you might implode)

For ultimate cool points though, the massinsh blazer...

Or the full blown "I'm from the 80's and I own a speedboat" look.

Wasn't at all sure about 21, but this video totally convinced me. I am not shallow, at all!

Thursday, 22 May 2008

Socks appeal

And apparently they do, during the researching of this article I came across several rather unsavory sites. But I shan't go into that, what men get up to in their spare time is none of my business (although really, socks with heels=sexy? is this really the 80's?)

Yes. They're back. Minus the lacey trim illustrated here. And those black shoes.... But forget the photo, a quick search of blogs tells me that socks with heels are back, back, back. So, y'know, go get yerself some yeah?

I tried this look out the other night (in the privacy of my bedroom) and it looked terrible with my black and white checked socks (my ska socks, as I have nicknamed them). Maybe I just need to find the right sock. I noticed that Erin O'Connor rocks the socks and sandals look in the new M&S advert with some stripey ones. I don't know if I dare risk going into Marks and Spencer's to look though (actually that's a lie, they do really great tights, I go in there a lot). You definately need some nice socks. Not ones that have dirty marks on the bottom from skidding around on the laminate flooring.

Coloured heels would look great with socks, I know because I saw it on a mannequin in Topshop. I am also of the belief that they look great with indie pumps (you know, those pumps that EVERY indie kid wears, yeah even me). I know this because I have rocked yellow pumps with grey socks. Shame I left my horn-rimmed glasses at home.

Word to the nerd.

Coming soon: My thoughts on festival fashion. Possibly the most important blog you will read this summer.

Thursday, 8 May 2008

Summer of Love

Let's get this straight. I hate hippies. I hate prog rock (most of it) I hate folk music. I hated Easy Rider. Drugs are bad. I think you see my point.

But since fashion seems to think flares are coming back, and since uber-hippy Devendra Banhart is dating Natalie Portman, I thought I should spout some nonsense about dressing like a really bad trip (I hear that's what they call it when they take drugs)

The main key to looking psycadelic cool this summer, is colour, lots of it. We're trying to avoid looking like Neil from the Young Ones here. In fact I think this look isn't far removed from the Klaxons look last year(oh dear...) with beards, and fewer plastic jackets.

It pains me to say this but flares might just be acceptable. Of course it all depends on the footwear. Old school chucks anyone? I think so. If you can't pull of the flares, don't sweat, stick a tye-dye shirt on with your skinny jeans and away you go...

This guy looks like a hippy, but not like a smelly loser who worships standing stones. Which brings me to my main point about this, which is "DO NOT BECOME A HIPPY".
Stay away from incense, standing stones, protests, glastonbury, VW campers, dirt encrusted boots... I think you catch my drift.

Remember fashion is pretty much all about looking like a current indie scene groupie. So I advise you start groupie-ing MGMT.

Dress like that. Do it. DO IT.

I think you might also like to consider making yourself some leaf crowns. Especially for the festival season. British Sea Power say its cool. You're allowed to.

Next week- part two of my guide to summer (unless it rains and I get depressed)

Sunday, 27 April 2008

the Long and Short of it.

Until quite recently shorts were the preserve of the boy scouts and American tourists with bum bags (or fanny packs). But one day, they're suddenly sexy again! Open your eyes and look across the dancefloor, I'll wager that there are at least three girls wearing some kind of short... "Shorts! Sexier than skirts!" the world seems to be screaming.

Of course, I blame Kate Moss. But let's back up a little bit. Maybe I'm just biased because I have terrible legs, but I can't be the only one...

Anyway, my point here is to raise a very serious question, which is "What is the acceptable length for a trouser leg?" This of course depends on the type of trouser, and I'm feeling lazy so I'll just go right ahead and say that you should ALL be turning up your jeans. Yes, even you. You have to wear nice socks though. Or, no socks as is the current trend (don't forget your moccasins).

In the coming summer months I predict that rolling ones jeans up to the knee will become the height of fashion, inspired by those lovely boys over at camp Sea Power. Yes, do it, do it now!

There we have it, another lazy (and late) post telling you all to dress like British Sea Power. They've just been announced for Leeds and Reading, so next week maybe, an early guide to festival fashion.

Monday, 21 April 2008

Shirt the bed!

T-shirts. Are they the greatest thing ever? Yes, I belive they are.

Since we've already discussed at length my love of the animal t-shirt, I think we should this week discuss the "Do's" and "Don'ts" of t-shirt wear.

First and foremost, the biggest don't is SLOGAN T-SHIRTS. You know the ones that say something really "funny", or a line from a song etc etc. Yeah, the ones that everyone was wearing a year ago. Don't, please don't, they were cool for about five minutes, last year, I am offended by anyone who still wears one. (Although I do still love "GET YER FREAK ON GILES DEACON")

Another don't, although there's a do in here somewhere... Band t-shirts. "Woah", I hear you cry, "Woah there Lois, I've seen you around, sporting a British Sea Power tour t-shirt!". Yeah, let me finish. You know that band t-shirt you bought from H&M? Yeah that Ramones/Stones one? DON'T. A lot of people I've seen wearing these high-street band shirts don't even like, or KNOW of the bands. By all means wear t-shirts of bands you adore (props for wearing ones with fuck-awesome designs too- band logos are a bit passée)

This don't brings me onto another don't, which is pre-faded patterns. This is my biggest don't, just no. Please, no no no no no. Silly faded logos and (my particular hate) "retro" cartoon characters are all over the shops and they make me weep. For everyone's sake, I am saying, right here, boycott them, for the good of my eyes. I mean for the good of mankind.

Ok, we've had enough negatives for one week, let me tell you some massive DO's, in the form of words and phrases followed by an excited exclamation mark...
Baggy t-shirts on girls! YES, WEAR THEM LIKE A DRESS PLEASE! Obscure bands! Animals! Ironic hair metal bands! (I could go on all night, but I think you are getting the picture, I am the Nathan Barley of t-shirts)

For reference, pretty much anything on here is cool
If in doubt, ask Lois. Belive.

Next week, turn ups. I hope

Thursday, 10 April 2008

An Apology

I feel I have let you all down. I've been really busy, okay, I haven't, there is no excuse, but I seem to have been out of inspiration lately, but fear not for I am back!

The topic of today's excitement is that of the formal dress. Yes, that one. For a very important purpose I needed a formal dress. Lets just say it's not "prom-posh" but not "smart-caz". This seemed like a simple enough task until I thought about it rationally- What do I actually want? I had no idea what "look" I was going for.

Believe me, searching for a dress that's somewhere in between a character from Grease and an extra from the "Blitz Club" scene in Ashes to Ashes (check me out), yet still formal enough for the event in question.

In the end I went for a nice floral number from Warehouse. It hits both the "50s" and the "Twee Indie" boxes as well as the "Current trend for floral" box. So, I win.

Next week: Something Interesting

Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Animal Crackers part two.

I was right, animal shirts are on their way in. Thank me later for bringing it to the world of fashion's attention. These are exciting times, the nest thing for you to do would be to get your ass down to pop boutique (Manchester, London, Liverpool) and grab one.
I just need to figure out how to wear mine without looking like a real geek (yes you could argue that I already am)

Saturday, 15 March 2008

Back to the Future

Here is a fashion fact for you- the 1950's NEVER go out of fashion. The 60's, 70's and 80's come and go, the 90's were shit, but my gosh the 50's!

Yes. I'm this sad. I watch Grease with the sound down for fashion tips. Even after the fashion disaster that was my prom dress my heart still goes all a-flutter when I see a rockabilly skirt. Right now I suggest you get on down to Primark and get the awesome 50's style blue and white stripy sun dress. Just don't wear it anywhere near me so we don't look like tools. I don't usually condone Primark, but this dress makes a lass feel like Patricia Franchini in A Bout De Souffle.

Also, and this is the most important thing I will ever tell you- Keep your eyes open for old-skool Letterman Cardigans. I've been looking at eBay, but the shipping costs to little old Manchester are astronomical.

Next week: Something good, possibly name dropping another of my A2 Film Studies focus films. Who knows.

Sunday, 2 March 2008

Don't be mocking my moccasins!

That's right boys and girls, the latest word from the sartorial world is that moccasins are hotter than Fielder-Civil's crackpipe (That's my way of linking this week and last week, more on that later).

I know it's hard to believe, but I bet by festival season (Leeds tickets out soon, omg)you'll all be wearing a lovely pair. Personally, I would go old school and wear a Native American style pair like these:

(Its a terrible picture I know, but my google skills are limited at this time of the day)

Maybe we won't go that far, but I know the brown ones are in. Why else would Yan wear them?

This picture shows exactly how they should be worn. Ribbed socks are in. He's even wearing chinos. I'm not sure about the orange t-shirt though. We'll re-think that one. But girls, I really want to see you in moccasins soon. I've taken to wearing them around the house (okay, they are technically slippers, but I'm still cool).

In other shoes news, brightly coloured shoes (for men- see photo in previous post) and old fashioned loafers (for women) are in. Apparently. Fashion, eh?

PS- Another week, another guide to fashion via British Sea Power. Have you heard the acoustic version of Open the Door? It is truly excellent. Word.

Saturday, 1 March 2008

the NME is my Enemy

I could spend this week's (rather belated, I admit) post quoting Anti-NME Art Brut/Goblins lyrics all over your eyes, but I thought, hey, no, I'll write a blog about Amy Winehouse instead- yawn.

Yesterday morning I was cheerily informed by Metro that Ms Winehouse had been given the WORST DRESSED award from the NME, cue a few thousand terrible puns about her plans to launch her own fashion line (in actual fact a cosmetics range). Well done popular press, well done.

I'll admit that I hated her the first time round. I probably didn't even know who she was, but I probably hated her even so. But that comeback! Middle of the road radio two-ish soul singer comes back with a song about rehab and a million tabloid stories about drug addiction, collabs with Mark Ronson and we have a megastar on our hands.

But this is all about style, right? And there's no denying that Wino's been setting a fair few trends since she said "no no no" to rehab in late 06. Big Hair, heavy eyeliner, nautical chic, high waisted pencil skirts are all de rigeur at the moment. Coincidence? Largerfeld doesn't think so. I don't think so. All this press speculation simply ups her cool, especially when you're an impressionble 18 year old. Indie kids across the land need to forget Kate 'n' Pete and instead rock the Amy 'n' Blake look down club NME (As if they're not already)

I know I will be, just as soon as I hit Primark for my new "spring" wardrobe. Holla!

PS- In case you were wondering, the NME awards is a bag of shite- Nicky Wire can suck my fucking cock. And that's a Brut/Goblins quote.

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

Oxfam Glamour

Everyone knows that all the cool people get their clothes from charity shops, but who do you know that actually does? Aside from a few things, I have never found anything worth buying in a Charity Shops.

Once someone asked me if I liked the "vintage" stuff in Topshop. Me, not knowing them very well just mumbeld something or other whilst silently concealing my rage. And there's your problem- trendy kids do not want to wear something that used to belong to someone's grandmother, so instead they buy a nearly identical item from Topshop for four times the price.

Even I am not immune to this, I have two very similar "tea dresses" (very in this season), one being from H&M and the other from a local Oxfam. You all know which one I will be wearing to see the Futureheads on Friday. I'm afraid that unless you find something really cool, charity shop chic just doesn't work. Thank God I have a mother who keeps things for years and passes items she deems no longer cool onto me (by this time they have become kind of ironic cool)

Sorry for the lack of pictures this issue, kids. We can only hope that next weeks will be less of a disorganised rant...

Monday, 11 February 2008

Sugar Coated

Everyone is telling me that trench coats are a must this season, and a must in any woman's wardrobe. Lucky for me, my old trench coat appeared the other day on a clearing out spree. I tried it on, and hey, it doesn't look that bad- save for the colour, a sort of disgusting mossy camouflage green- but something's not right.

I dunno what it is about trench caots, in theory, they should look kinda sexy and cool, like some film noir-ish detective. But they just don't. Google trench coat and this comes up:

Apart from the terrible colour of most trench coats, and the association with a variety of paedophilles, this is the very worst thing about trench coats, and should put everyone off buying one.

But I've got a feeling that I'll be wearing mine a lot this year, in fact I'm already planning outfits around it. Sun dress, cardigan, black wool tights, black plimsoles. I'm feeling really springlike already, from today I'm ditching the black dress coat in favour of a smart trench. Lovely.

Monday, 4 February 2008

White Trash!

Another week, another vaguely ironic new look, ho-hum. This week I'm all about a sort of trashy 80's Maddona Punk thing, as worn by my favourite androgynous model Laura Hollins (AKA Agyness Deyn- I know her real name ‘cos we're from the same town, holla!)

She looks a bit of a mess here, but let me break this look down for you.
1) Long t-shirt or jumper. The best kinds are the ones that are massive and really out of fashion, as opposed to ones you'd find in New Look, try TJ Hughes or something….Band t-shirts are defiantly acceptable here, but none of your skinny ass girl fit Paramore t-shirts, I wanna see someone rocking a massive hair metal t-shirt in a completely ironic way. Believe.

2) Leggings, or at a push thick wool tights, preferably in a light colour. Fat thighs all round, woo-hoo!

3) Doc Martens, old-skool walking boots or, if you're boring, black chucks (I have a niggling feeling that black chucks are on their way back in- you heard it here first!) Possibly also wear knee length walking style socks, British Sea Power style, but I'm not sure on this one yet, keep your eyes on it though.

4) A Biker-ish Jacket is probably the most important part of this look. Agyness wears a leather one with a sheepskin collar, but there’s a load of cheap fake leather jackets hanging around at the moment so all you animal loves are safe.

Ok, so you have the look down. I'd say wear it with your hair curly, or crimped (are the Mighty Boosh to blame for this years "hot hair look"??) and tied back with a scrap of fabric or a fat ribbon. Accessorise with a long chain, one of those gold hearts would be fine, try some silly 80's bracelets and chunky hoops earrings (gold of course- the earrings)You could go for 80's makeup as well, but you might be locked up on charges of fashion insanity.

Next week: How the Fresh Prince of Bel Air has the answer to all your style needs
or not, depending on my mood at the time.

(Updated on Feb 5th, I ain’t never satisified!)

Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Animal Crackers!

This has to be a trend, if it's not, I'm inventing it...

Animal Jumpers- as modelled here by the lovely Hamilton of British Sea Power- are surely the latest piece of naffery to become suddenly hip.

Let's think about it. Last year we had slogan t-shirts. And legwarmers. Both hideous and unwearable outside and 80's fancy-dress, before nu-rave kicked in (more on that at a later date) And would any of you topshop kids be seen dead in a pair of these in 2006?

No, unless you live somewhere in the depths of East London that is. 80's retro is a massive thing at the moment, just check out Pop Boutique, endlessly flogging someone's grandma's terrible dresses (Or even better, Manchester kids, check out Ryan Vintage's £3 store. Shell suits all over!) So I'm thinking, take a leaf out of Hamilton's book and take the trend for naff fashion one step further with a jumper with a noble beast on it and you the coolest kid in the schoolyard.* Am I right kids?

Post Script 1: The jumpers are cooler if they have "realistic" animals on them, or are knitted in lurid colours. Also, wear with skinny jeans or leggings, or my current fashionista wet dream (more of a pipe dream at the moment), skinny chinos (those fashionable jodhpurs may also apply here). As for shoes, the aforementioned plimsoles would look good, or maybe a pair of brogues. Just make sure you wear some killer socks please.

If it looks good, tell all your mates I told you first. If it looks terrible, please don't search out my facebook and abuse me, it's just opinions man!

Post Script 2: *Sorry for the BSP puns (leaf! noble!) but they really were amazing.


Loos like viceland's D+D's had the same idea (this was a DO)

Monday, 21 January 2008

Geek with a capital "G"

Boys take note, I have some mega important news for ya'll. Geeks are back, and there ain't no stopping these gangstas, they got it goin' on ol' skool.

Street speak aside, the geek looks been going around for ever, coming in an out of fashion. Even yours truly is an on-off follower of said trend. But today I'm talking about boys. As promised. I'll even throw in a bit about a band just to make it more manly.

The Christophers are living proof that playing Oldham on a Saturday night doesn't necessarily mean stonewashed 501s and a HH jacket. This is the kind of Saturday night entertainment that makes girls clap and cheer their purple nail varnish off. Okay, so one of hem looks like Harry Hill, but who doesn't love him -He dressed up as Morrissey for god's sake! Did I mention they sounds damn good as well? Well that's not part of the fashion deal, alls I'm sayin is that the geeks are back on the street, and there ain't a thing you and your crew can do about it. Yo?

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Kate Nash, no no no.

Once someone told me I look like the girl from the video to Caroline is a Victim by Kate Nash. At the time, I thought this made me cool and slightly ironic. Not any more. There is nothing good about this woman...girl, she personifies everything indie girls shouldn't be (speaking of course as someone who personifies everything an indie girl should be)... As you can see she does my head in. Let's have a look at one of her videos:
Wasn't that lovely? Personally I couldn't sit through it. Apart from the fact that I hate her voice and her silly songs, and since this is supposed to be a fashion blog, let's talk about her fashion directions, eh?

She's obviously a massive influence on current teen fashion, with topshop slavishly copying all her "twee little girl" outfits. And that's what annoying. Looking at that video, and the video to Foundations and Caroline... they all have the same "oh, aren't I streetwise and cool, but also at the same tooth-achingly sugarplum twee" attitude, which rather grates after a while. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of twee, but something tells me that Nash's 80's frocks are worn without a trace of irony, and everyone knows that 80' frocks without dark blusher stripes and a bubble perm are unacceptable.

So in conclusion, ladies (I promise I'll write about men's clothes more soon), next time you walk into topshop, step away from that multi-coloured party dress. In fact go for the black, yeah that one. And whatever you do don't get a blunt fringe.

perhaps I'm just a bit pissed cos I just found out my beloved Black Kids are supporting her in March, which means they'll be massive by May. Shit.

Monday, 14 January 2008

Yes I Like Rock Music

Deviating from the fashion agian, but British Sea Power's new LP is amazing. It contains all my favourite bits from the Decline of... and Open Season, only massively better.
It looks like the album of the year hhas already been found, I can't see who could top this, for my money, not even Black Kids
Maybe I'll do a proper review when I get home. I dunno.

Saturday, 12 January 2008

I have no idea about this fashion thing.

I'm not a very good fashion blogger, already I have caused a minor crisis for someone who thinks I bin dissin them old skool, and have deviated from my mission staement to create an ongoing fashion bible of what I think is "in" this week by so far dissing Greater Manchester's fashion sense. And it's only the 12th.

So much for New Year's Resolutions, I've spent most of this week in t-shirts and jeans. And the aforementioned "Bette Lynch" getup, but it has now been decided that she is this blog's fashion icon. All hail.

Call me egotistical for posting myself in my own fashion blog, but this is my current hot look- unbuttoned shirt, cheppy gold and granddad cardigan. I'm telling you it's a winner. Best worn with high-waisted blue slim leg jeans and pointed white shoes, but who am I to dictate your wadrobe?

Thursday, 10 January 2008

Word's getting round

About this blog, apparently...Or maybe I'm just imagining things. Nice.

Anyway, onto more fashion disasters. Without offending anyone this time. Actually I have some praise to award today, so read on, dear reader.

Last night was spent in various locations around Manchester, in particular a certain well known northern quarter bar, once frequented by members of a certain Manchester electronic outfit (CAN I BE MORE OBVIOUS?). Obviously, this was a Wednesday night, so there was not much going down, but I expected a little more sartorialism from my fellow mancs. No, there were two guys in beige t-shirts and jeans. Great, once again I feel incredibly overdressed, and apparently look like Bette Lynch. (Get your Corrie skillz on!)Common wasn't much better either, although I was probably expecting too much from a bar with student art on the walls...
Onto my "most fashionable couple of the night award", which goes hands down to the DJs in Dry Bar (there, I said it!) who both looked far too young to be in thre, but I'm only just legal so let's move on. Y'all know I love Devo so these guys get brownie points anyway, but they both totally rocked the whole "Topman mannequin" look. Here's to decent DJ's. Mine's a rum and coke.

Wednesday, 2 January 2008

NYE is a fashion Distaster

What do people think, they can wear whatever they like because they'll be sloshed all evening? NO NO NO. Wear something lovely, eh? Come on, it's the middle of the sales, you could find something decent to wear. THIS DOES NOT MEAN JEANS LADIES. Maybe I go to the wrong bars.
Another thing, do not do the whole fancy dress thing, unless you are going to a FANCY DRESS PARTY, and/or look like these two cool bastards:

This means no playboy bunnies. Don't think I didn't see you, don't think you don't disgust me because you do. That look is years old. You could have got something more fashionable in TJ Hughes, and that's saying something. Anyway, back to that pic. for my money, Jo and Dom got everything right in the fancy dress department; Her dress isn't just an excuse to get her legs/tits out and her make-up is beautifully done. The best part is that Dom actually dressed up, unlike most men I have seen at fancy dress parties. MEN! Honestly! Learn to dress up. You can't see it in this picture but he is wearing spats. Says it all.